Do you feel like you’ve just been dating so much and still haven’t found what you’re looking for? Turns out that you just might need to go back and figure out a list of the traits that you must have from a significant other.
Two doctors, Peter Todd and Geoffrey Miller did some research and they experiment with something called “the secretary problem.” You can find all the details here, but let me summarize a portion of it for you:
“So, what’s the magic number? In the secretary problem, the ideal percentage for sampling is 37% of a pool of 100 applicants. That means it would make sense to initially sample 37 people, remember the best of the best, and then pick the next candidate who meets or exceeds that standard.”
The study showed that you could determine the best qualities after finding them in the people you date, and then use that criteria for selecting the next best candidate demonstrating those traits you selected. The study also showed that no matter how many people are out there, you wouldn’t have to spend that much time dating so many different people just to figure out the criteria for who your best match will be.
What Does This Mean For You?
If you feel that you’ve been spending too much on dating, you can turn those experiences into something very useful. For example, go through what you’ve learned about the kind of people you attract and the ones you find the most attractive. Really sort through and learn your patterns. This will help you get a better idea of how to set your expectations.
If you’re a woman, think about the types of men you’ve been the most attracted to. Also, set your expectations about these people at a very reasonable level.
Same for the men. Think about the type of women you’ve dated and why you’ve been so attracted to them. Some people find that they are the most attracted to people who are not entirely available to enter into a relationship. Knowing something like that can really help you better see what it is exactly that you think you need from the person you want to date.
Some of us date because we enjoy it for the sake of going out with someone. But others find it useful to date so as to have a better sense of what we’re into from the opposite sex. We’re able to learn about what turns us on, what we can’t stand, or what we just don’t want to live without.
So even if you feel a little discouraged from dating without meeting the right person, you can start getting serious about identifying that qualities that work best with who you are and start pointing yourself in that direction.